I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
