i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
