Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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