Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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