i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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