It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
