someone threw a dead crab at me
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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