I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
