I don't usually arrange sex via text message
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
