his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
