Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize