She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
