i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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