Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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