how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
