Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
