please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wear drunk well.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize