Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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