Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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