just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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