I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
