if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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