I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
