I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
