His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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