I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
