Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
