Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
