hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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