ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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