i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Did I show you my penis last night?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
