dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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