You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
