Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
