You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
