Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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