Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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