one might say we're banned from that church
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
