i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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