A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
your like the ambassador to my penis.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
