He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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