Don't make out with my wife yet
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
