just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
