I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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