Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
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Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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