Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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