When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
