clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
