you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
