3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The beer is more important than you right now.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
