sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
