You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
