I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
