my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
