I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
