He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
