There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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