at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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