yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
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I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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