I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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