My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
