this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
