I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
