I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
