Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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