i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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