Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
