I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
