haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
