i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Randomize
