Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
