I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We're not piercing ourselves today.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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