This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
