Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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