Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
