im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
